i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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