Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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