I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
