i think my tv is drunk
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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