There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
