no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize