you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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