Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
