it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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