I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
