what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
