I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize