gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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