i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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