Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
