Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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