Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
