Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
