All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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