Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
