seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
