I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
