A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
