a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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