My friends, they love my intelligence
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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