don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
