At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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