New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
