no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
babies were throwing up all over the place
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
