woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So many bounce houses so little time
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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