I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
