I can text with my tongue
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm sobbing to NWA
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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