before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I have post one night stand depression
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
