winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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