the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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