you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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