it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
