i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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