david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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