i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
