A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
