bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
