we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
