I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
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