If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
