Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
