I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
