But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
