dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
