I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
