A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
