Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
