Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
