I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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