Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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