I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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