When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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