White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
