So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
