I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
