we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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