I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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