So drunk its hurt
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
