There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
