im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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